I am the Very Model of Computerized Librarian

I am the very model of computerized Librarian,
I seek out information zoologic to agrarian,
I know each subject that is found in an encyclopedia
I handle every AV tool and every type of media;
My online databases can locate each journal article,
In physics texts, I can define each elemental particle,
In atlases and online maps, I find the way to Timbuktu,
Identify each capital from Bogota to Katmandu.

I navigate the Internet with speed and perspicacity;
Evaluate each website for its content and veracity:
In fact, in finding information, most utilitarian,
I am the very model of computerized librarian.

I quickly search the Internet or grab the right book off the shelf;
Then give the patron answers or I teach him how to search himself,
I speed through every database like Galenet, FirstSearch, Dialog,
My records are all organized, just try my on-line catalog;
My homepage is a marvel of well-documented, helpful links,
It points to sites on modern jazz, hang-gliding and old Egypt’s Sphinx!
I know just how to catalog in Dewey and in L. of C.,
I know the best books you should buy and those you wouldn’t want for free.

I get you quotes on hot new stocks and find addresses in a trice,
The latest news, a star’s birthday, song lyrics or a cure for lice:
In fact, in finding information, most utilitarian,
I am the very model of computerized librarian.

When I can look up online all ephemeral material,
When I can get full text of every page in every serial,
When my computer translates every language and each dialect,
From Hindu texts in Sanskrit to Confucius with each analect,
When every book is digitized and indexed in my database,
When I’m the first librarian to travel into outer space -
And when I’ve indexed every site on every chromosome and gene,
You’ll say a more computerized librarian has never been.

I’m working on an interface directly to the human mind,
So I can capture concepts that have not yet even been defined;
In fact, in finding information, most utilitarian,
I am the very model of computerized librarian.

Lyrics by Diane M. O’Keefe, M.S.L.S. (contact for reprint permission) and Janet T. O’Keefe, M.L.S.
Based on the song "I Am The Very Model of a Modern Major-General" from Gilbert and Sullivan’s The Pirates of Penzance.